So I have come to the conclusion that I need a good kick up the arse, to get out of my own way and get my shit together! Enough is enough of feeling sad and sorry for myself, feeling like crap emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. So, took the plunge, and I am making big changes.
I am eating paleo/primal and losing weight. Weighed myself this morning and i am 72.9 kgs. Down from 75.5 in a week I am feeling good. I feel lighter, my belly is going down, its not all bloated and full of yuck. I feel full of hope and positivity. Its wonderful!
I have booked myself in for counseling this week. Time to deal with my swinging emotions. I am sure its all based in my need to love and care for myself. Got to start somewhere!
I have always felt ‘less than’ everyone else in my life. I put myself down and hate on myself. I am really over feeling badly about myself. I am not a bad person. I am deserving of a happy life, full of what I love!
Time to snap out of self pity and snap into self-love! I just want to like myself. To like who I am, what I look like, what I stand for.
So that’s me today.
So I have come to discover the Paleo way of eating. It happened in a strange way. So, to tell you where I am now, I must tell you where I have been and how I came to be here.
I have a history of stomach problems. When I was about 16 I contracted Giardia. Ever since then, if I ate junk, and didn’t look after myself I would get sulphur burps, chronic diarrhea and vomiting for at least 24 hours. I was miserable. I didn’t feel good in myself, I felt sick about my sickness. I didn’t know what to do about it.
At around this time I came across a little video on youtube called ‘Meet your Meat’. Well, I cried for days. It was brutal, inhumane, and cruel. I then got looking at vegetarianism. I couldn’t look at meat in the same way anymore. I felt like I didn’t want to be a part of the meat eating world where so much abuse and suffering were happening.
So my family and I became vegetarian. High grain, dairy, tofu, vegies etc. The more research I did, the further I went into it all, and the natural progression was to go vegan. Soy yogurt, soy milk, soy butter. (UGH) Only myself and my eldest daughter did this. I started to lose weight and was feeling a little better. I was still getting sick though. I had a particularly bad bout of illness during my vegan time.
I would cry to my partner and just wonder what the hell I was supposed to eat because it seemed that nothing actually made me feel good. Nothing felt right.
So one day I had two cooked meals for breakfast and lunch, fully cooked, nothing raw. And I looked at what I was eating, and I thought, there is no life here. I am eating all cooked a lot of the time, and that’s when it hit me. Maybe I should be eating more raw food? I searched that shit up, and wow! The amount of information and the popularity of this way of eating was astounding. I became a raw fooder. About 90% hardcore. I bought books and became a member on forums. I lost weight, and felt amazing! I had a lot more energy, my skin looked great, everything looked bright and beautiful, I thought this was it! But alas no. Something was missing, I was hungry a lot. While I felt really good, I would also get grumpy because I couldn’t seem to eat enough to fill me up. It felt like there something missing. I began to wonder if this was right for me.
I come from an indigenous background and i would think about my ancestors diet, their way of life and what seemed to work for them. I wondered about how they ate meat and were healthy, fit, warrior peoples. I didn’t put the two together just yet though, the fact that they didn’t eat very much grain or starch, sugar and absolutely NO processed food!
I became pregnant and the first thing I ate was a meat pie. Haha. Actually it was a beef and bacon pie. I craved that big time. I was very aware that I was eating an animal that was probably cruelly treated. I thanked that animal for giving its life, I said a prayer for it, and I ate it, and I loved it. It felt great. So I went back to meat eating, and abandoned the raw vegan way. I ate whatever I felt like, cravings and all. The SAD won over again. I put the weight back on and more (not just because of pregnancy, because of the way I was eating). I had bouts of sickness again. God, I was really beginning to get pissed off with food. Why couldn’t I eat crap and be fine the way everyone else seemed to be? I was very disheartened..
I have always been an emotional eater too. Ever since I was 12. I remember eating to fill in the loneliness. I ate to get that full feeling. The pleasure I felt from this one action became my addiction and my vice. I have never had another addiction, but this one has been as problematic as many others i have witnessed. Just in a different way.
So last week (yes that recent!) i bought a raw food book because I thought ‘I have to do something about this, I am overweight and underhappy and I am sick of it!’ I loved what I was reading. The woman who wrote it was passionate and educated in raw food, and she had a similar sense of humour to me. I decided to look her up on facebook and also to google her. There was a lot going on on her newsfeed. There were people telling her off and a few people supportive of a recent decision she had made. I was intrigued and so I went to her blog and it turned out that she recently changed her way of eating. I’m not sure exactly what she eats now, but people kept saying the word Paleo. I had maybe heard of this in the past, but forgotten about it. The woman was talking about how she had been feeling unwell recently and she worried about her family as they had been showing signs of not doing well on all raw also. So I searched up this Paleo thing. What the hell was it? I didn’t know. But I was curious!
So, turns out, Paleo is the way our ancestors ate. Cavemen, stone age people. Before the industrial age came upon us. before agriculture. We ate meat, eggs, vegetables, nuts, seeds, fruit. We didn’t eat much grain food. THESE days we eat mostly grains! They are in a lot of our food. The food pyramid says we should eat something like 5-6 servings a day!
But HEY! What if they are wrong? What if eating that much grain is poison for us? My indigenous ancestors didn’t eat much grain AT ALL. They ate meat, eggs, vegies, fruits, seeds and nuts. They would eat yams dug from the ground, catch their meat, forage for berries and fruits. Some seeds they would pound down occasionally to make a damper type thing. It was a lot of work though so they didn’t do this a lot.
The Paleo way of eating excludes all dairy too. My ancestors did NOT eat dairy!! What, are they going to do, milk a kangaroo??? Ha! No way! No tribal/indigenous/cave people ate dairy. these days humans are the only people who have milk and milk made foods after being weaned from our own mothers. Doesn’t really make sense to me.
I have always loved meat. I love the taste, and I feel good after eating it (if it is good quality, not those nasty, cheap sausages). My only problem with it, is the way it is cared for, the way it is killed, the life it had before its death. So I am making sure to buy organic, free range, grass fed animals. And I always thank the animal that died for me and my family.
I feel like I may have finally found what will work for me. I have intuitively found my way here and I feel good. And its only been about a week! I eat and I get full, satisfied, sated. And my body is happy.
My starting weight was 75.5 kgs, I am now 73.3 and I lost that in a week. I feel alive, my belly is not protesting whenever I eat, I have energy.
I will not be following along blindly with whatever the ‘experts’ say, I will do what my body tells me. I do not believe in one person fits all way of eating. What works for some, will not work for someone else. Its about finding your own groove, and getting into that, and dancing it out through your life. And thats what I am doing. And it feels GOOD!
So this is my journey. And I want to share it with whoever wants to listen as it goes along.
Signing off for now…
Took me about 3 hours to choose a theme. Nearly drove myself insane. But here it is, Hopefully it is easy to read, gentle on the eyes, also eye-catching! Now for me to write interesting things! Need a rest first!